Friday, September 19, 2008

The whiner is back!

Hey remember when I said I’d whine again? Here it is! Oh and for those of you who somehow find comfort in my life being not wonderful good for you! I’m glad at least someone is benefiting from my whining- oh wait I mean venting!

Okay so yet again my life is totally not my own. Really I have absolutely no control over anything including my own sleep. It’s so great! (I hope you’re picking up on the heavy sarcasm) To give you just an idea of how I feel . . . imagine going white water rafting. If you fall out of the raft you are supposed to point your feet downstream and swim at an angle to the shore. I feel like I have fallen out of the raft in really big rapids with nothing but a life vest on. Oh and did I mention that there isn’t a shore line only really high cliffs running down both sides? I’m keeping my head above water for the most part, but I have no control over what happens next. Oh and I seem to be hitting a few large boulders sitting in the crazy river that is my life. Yes, I had a little time to think as I drove back from Sacramento and the kids, thankfully, were sleeping. So that gave me time to come up with this whole river analogy in between bouts of crying.

The housing we had hoped to be able to get in Sacramento didn’t work out. It stinks but apparently we are supposed to be somewhere else. I know things happen for a reason- If I didn’t know that well I’d probably have been institutionalized by now. I’m more frustrated than anything that we had a plan, a good plan that would result in having my family together again, and it didn’t work out. We’re still going to have to move sometime in the next month-ish. We’re probably going to have to move into an apartment that is half the size of our condo. I just want to be with Chad again, is that really so hard to have happen? I’m just frustrated in general. Can you tell? Boo hoo poor me!

So in the words of Pocahontas “just around the river bend” . . . okay not really but once I started thinking about rivers that stupid song popped into my head. So on the drive home: I cried, thought about my life in general, and I sang Disney songs out loud as my way to cope with the stress. Does that mean I’m going crazy?

Oh and to clarify we can rent one of the apartments that Chad's company built. It just isn't something I want to do long term. So we're not in a really tight spot YET!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008


So one of my friends apologized for whining on her blog and I personally didn’t feel that she was whining. To me, whining connotes a negative feeling. I like to call it venting. She was being a single mom to 4 kids for a few weeks. Something no one could possibly do without feeling a wee bit of stress!

I would like to apologize as well, but I probably shouldn’t because that would mean I was sorry and that I won’t do it again. While I’m sorry that some of you have to read about our crappy days and I am trying to be a bit more positive about life. I’m going to be honest; I’m probably going to whine again. So know that I appreciate all the support we’ve gotten from everyone. I’m not saying things to get sympathy from anyone. Writing about it is just one of the many ways I’ve been dealing with stress. While Chad has been living and working in a different city during the week, we've both learned a lot. Apparently Chad learned that I could survive on my own if I anything happened to him. Somehow talking about him being dead was supposed to have comforted me. I love my super sensitive husband!

Anyways. . . I’m going to try harder to focus on the positive and then maybe, just maybe, you won’t have to hear about the negative! (I’ll save that for phone calls to my mother).